I had a dream about him last night. I've been having them quite frequently lately, once every two weeks or so, but last night's was so real...in its unreality.

I was dead and nobody could see me. I was just a ghost flying around waiting to be seen by someone. So I went to where he was and I waited in his room. When he came home he didn't seem surprised to find me or upset that I had just let myself in. He had two black eyes, and he looked so sad. I asked him where they came from and he told me not to worry about it. He was about to cry and just walked toward me and I held him. HELD him. Not only could he see me but he felt me. I told him I was dead, that nobody else could see me, and he thought I was kidding. Then one of his roommates walked in and was looking right through me and he believed. He told his roommate that he wasn't feeling well, and was going to spend the night sleeping...

The thing about my dreams is I never actually experience sex in them. I just know that it happened. Kind of like in a movie where they show two people kissing and then they wake up the next day. It was like that. When I woke up I sat up and felt instantly bad, I'm married....and here's where the tricky part of the dream comes in: I was dead. The premise of marriage is "til' death do us part." My dream had pre-programmed itself to be guilt free. So he and I ran around and lived and visited people together. After we were together awhile other people could see me too until I was no longer invisible to anyone. I could touch others also and it was as if I were alive again. The only problem was-I was still dead. Our time together could not be forever, and I knew that someday I would have to let him go to find another woman to be his everything. I told him and he fought me every inch of the way.

When I woke up this morning, I tried to fall back asleep. For that-I do feel guilty.