Today I reached out and touched somebody. I normally don't, because it's messy. And because I generally don't want people reaching out and touching me-I assume they would appreciate the same distance.

But today, I went against my natural urge to just ignore the woman crying in my pilates class.

I mean sobbing. She came in and calmed down extremely fast for someone who went from sob to total pilates torture, but she was in pain nonentheless. As we were all getting dressed in the locker room all I did was ask her if she was "ok." She shook her head and her eyes started to tear up, so I said "bad day?" Then she started crying. And she told me everything, and it sucks, and she just genuinely needed someone to listen. She has two children who need counseling because of all the suckness, but can't afford it. So I listened, and comforted, and then talked to her about the counseling resources available to her and her children for free. And she started crying again because it's just so hard, and then just threw her bag down and hugged me. So I hugged back and held her until she was ready to let go. Then I offered my husband's expert house vandalizing skills (a.k.a. "tp-ing"/donuting/forking/all around good hooliganness) and she laughed. We talked some more and when she was ready to go face the world and her sucky stuff, she got up and went.

Psychologically people feel better about themselves when they help others. Which sadly is one of the main motivating factors for most people to just do "random acts of kindness." Andrew and I had a discussion about that idea, the one of "random acts of kindness." I feel that there should be no such thing. It's sad that people so rarely do the right thing that it's considered random when it actually happens....but do I feel better? Yes. I feel better because now she knows she has someone she can talk to, and even though I have no idea how she's feeling-that's what she needs right now. I have always considered going to school to become a therapist. Something along the lines of those who can't do teach, which in the field of psychology means: If you're messed up you are DRAWN to helping other people hash out their crap in hopes that it will help you. So I try to stay away from the idea, I don't want poor unsuspecting strangers to be a part of some warped subconcious attempt to reach a level of normalcy. Above all things I have for a long time been convinced I could not counsel adults...they're too whiny. Like me.

But she made me realize that there really is good to be done by just listening, and that doing it for a job wouldn't be all that bad. I would still prefer to go into medicine, and if my patients ever need an ear I'll break that professional code and listen...but IF I must do something else. IF we get pregnant and are given a blessing from the Lord in the form of a beautiful child before the time we have planned for it (like 10 years), then I could definitely see myself finding fulfillment in counseling. Even if it is hard, and there really is no solution, I could try.

So today was good. And I'm not always right (which if you know me, you'll feel vindicated that I just typed that...but if you TALK to me, you'l l know I have no qualms saying it out loud..). From now on, even if I'm scared, I'm going to reach out.