I go to the waiting children bios for Oregon and Washington. The children in Foster Care waiting for adoptive parents. They have pictures, first name only, and state...so for all you overprotective weirdos, it's not like I could go kidnap any of them..
Anyway, every-single-time-I-look I find at least five kids that would be perfect in our spare rooms. Today I even found a teenager that would seriously fall right in like sugar in tea. But we're not ready, definitely don't have the distance for a teenager especially, it just hurts. It hurts because I know that I am capable of loving them, it hurts because nobody else is. It hurts because I know hundreds of people, and I also know I'm the only one of all the people I know that cruises the kids who need homes just in case one of them is perfect enough for us that Andrew would consider it...
No, it's not like a pet shop. No, I'm not a saint. Yes, I would want a child to be happy with us, so making sure they were the right fit is essential. And yes, I wish that everyone I knew had hearts to unconditionally love other people's children, but they don't. So I can't expect my friends and family to think about adoption first. I can't get angry at them for not. But truth-I do. I am angry and I do expect it, and sometimes I want to slap them all...ESPECIALLY the ones who are in the place financially and socially to do it...oi.
I just hurt for them. The anger is unnecessary, but I am a true to it every time-get angry when you're hurting-girl, so it's more about the hurting.
On our trip Andrew and I officially decided that we will begin the process to become foster parents as soon as I begin my classes at PSU. Which means either this fall or this winter. This puts Andrew in the position to either be graduating or about to graduate when we would get our first child, and I would have a more steady class schedule/more time for a child. The classes I'd be taking at PSU would be more upper division courses, so I would be at school during the day as opposed to now when I have the flexibility to take them at night. That also gives us roughly another year and half alone before we open our hearts to another member of our family. And each and every single child we get will be another member of our family. We've discussed the details and have decided to start we will only be fostering one child at a time so as to give them all of our attention (which at this point their hearts so desperately need, especially when just fostering them...you never know how long or short their stay will be with you), and will only be fostering children age7 and younger. This has to do with the fact that since neither of us has ever been parents, working with children I have more experience with would be better, and because with older children we're so young there isn't enough distance age-wise for it to be a good decision.
Which I'm more excited about than the trip to Barcelona. So if you end up having a crib or toddler bed or whatever that you don't need anymore...we'd love to take it off your hands when we start renovating the spare room! :) We'd also love to store it for you in our basement if you don't want to wait until then. I know that this is what God has called my heart to, and that is why despite the fact that it will be the most challenging attempt of our lives, I am excited.
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2 comments:
There is so much I feel I could say about the comments you left me. Mostly, I think I just seek, not so much a label, but a language to talk about being a woman is. And the truth of it is, that the only thing I want is to be a good woman, I'm just having trouble finding it.
That being said, I think I may know who you are thinking I might be blogging about. And, I would be honest and say that man (an odd word indeed), did capture my heart for a long while. This other man, though, is someone else. And were we in the same state, I'd take you up on your offer to talk, wear scarves, drink coffee and wine, and maybe even disagree a little. Sometimes, that can be a beautiful thing.
I do think that that will happen someday. I might even be in the Portland area this summer. And if I am, I will surely let you know.
As far as fostering/adopting. I think it's beautiful. I hope you do it, and I think you'll love them babies well. I want to foster too. I just get scared that I'm not strong enough. But, I suppose, that I have some time to work on that.
I wish you well.
erika has a crib that she wants to get rid of (for free, of course). want it? i can let her know....
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