It is time I think

I have known him since I was 16, and I think it is finally time to stop talking to him. It will never go away, and will not get easier, but the fact that it is the way it is only hinders my promise and relationship with my husband. Nothing has or would happen, but even the talking is no bueno. Andrew knows that we talk, and I have not hidden anything from him, but I need to just let it go. Sometimes talking with him makes me kind of bitter. Bitter that Andrew will never be able to appreciate the same things as I, that when we do go to Europe I'll have to explain everything to him the whole time. That he's not like me in the fact that he's very planned. Then, as "Every Woman's Battle" says will happen...I begin to realize this bitterness comes from the fact that he would be able to appreciate it all, that he is very planned, that I will always have feelings for him.

Then after thinking all of this through OF COURSE I come to the realization I just need to stop all contact with him. I made a decision and committed to it. I told him I couldn't wait around for him and I wouldn't. That after five years of both of us doing what we wanted but planning on ending up together that the whole thing was ridiculous and pointless, all that hurting of other people on the way. Three weeks later I met Andrew. And I chose Andrew. He was upset and quit talking to me for a while, but who's fault is that? We started talking again about six months ago or so, very casually, but I just don't think it's right. He has entered into(another) relationship, and since us he has never been present like he was with me until now. Which is healthy and necessary and I'm glad that we're both moving away from that idea we held so tightly for so long. I can say honestly though-that I definitely held it tighter than he did...until I didn't. I sent him a copy of the first 46 pages, so it's not like I would be walking away with anything unsaid. It is all there, and I am here, and this is the path my life has taken.

I love my husband. He is amazing. I will never be my mother. I made my choice, and it was a good one. Now I just need to finalize it all. I think that will be my secret one year anniversary gift to Andrew.

I have (I have) you breathing down my neck (breathing down my neck)
I don't (don't know) what you could possibly expect under this condition so
I'll wait (I'll wait) for the ambulance to come (ambulance to come)
Pick us up off the floor
What did you possibly expect under this condition so

Slow down.. this night's a perfect shade of
Dark blue (dark blue)
Have you ever been alone in a crowded room when I'm here with you
I said the world could be burning (burning) down
Dark blue (dark blue)
Have you ever been alone in a crowded room well I'm here with you
I said the world could be burning 'til there's nothing but dark blue..
Just dark blue

This flood (this flood) is slowly rising up swallowing the ground
Beneath my feet, Tell me how anybody thinks under this condition so
I'll swim (I'll swim) as the water rises up, the sun is sinking down
And now all I can see are the planets in a row
Suggesting it's best that I slow down

This night's a perfect shade of
Dark blue (dark blue)
Have you ever been alone in a crowded room when I'm here with you
I said the world could be burning (burning) down
Dark blue (dark blue)
Have you ever been alone in a crowded room well I'm here with you
I said the world could be burning dark blue

We were boxing
We were boxing the stars
We were boxing (we were boxing)
You were swinging for Mars
And then the water reached the West Coast
And took the power lines (the power lines)
And it was me and you (this could last forever)
And the whole town under water
There was nothing we could do
It was dark blue

Dark blue (dark blue)
Have you ever been alone in a crowded room well I'm here with you
I said the world could be burning (burning) down
Dark blue
Have you ever been alone in a crowded room well I'm here with you
I said the world could be burning now there's nothing but dark blue

If you've ever been alone in the dark blue
If you've ever been alone you'll know (you'll know)