Today while sitting in statistics class and learning about the possibility of genetically passing on a disease to children, I realized something very large and monumentally impact full in my life:

I have been feeling those tugs lately. Not uterus tugs like most women, where a baby is imminent in the future, but just motherhood tugs. We are going to start hosting our home community in a week, and so have begun cleaning the house and getting rid of things, making room for the change. I FINALLY cleaned the spare room/closet room and now it resembles something other than a tornado struck pit of despair. When I look into that room with the blinds open, the floor gleaming, and the bed and table set up-I see a bedroom for my future child. As camp approaches(and if I have your address I will be sending you a letter asking for support....money....help....lol. No worries if you can't.) we have been going to training. Yet again Andrew is not sure if he'll be able to go, but like last year I keep reminding him that God is bigger than we are, and if He wants Andrew at camp, Andrew will be at camp. So he has been going to training with me. Listening to the facts all over again, being reminded of the depravity surrounding these children all over again, makes me want to quit my life plan and adopt 100 of them.

My wonderfully wise husband however frequently reminds me to be patient. So I try. But in class this morning as I could feel God working in my heart, on my heart, preparing me for what is to come He told me this earth shaking truth-if we are going to adopt an older child in a few years, our child, our baby, our family-has already been born. Is living right now in a world and a situation that is painful, scary, damaging, and lonely. I realized that I need to start now praying for them. Praying protection over them, praying for strength for them, praying that when the time comes for them to come home with us that they will have a heart open to being loved.

So I'm asking you to pray for them as well, my little fragile child. I know with conviction that they are already out there, experiencing the hardships that will bring them to me. Which I know sounds terrible, and if there were a way to avoid the hard part I would-but I can only do good with what satan will destroy, and I can only shed light where there has been darkness as God's hands...I know that there is something far larger than I will ever begin to comprehend happening in this, and so I just pray and wait until the moment when I know. So please please pray with me, just as I hope that someone was praying for me when I was alone.

Aside from that everything else is small potatoes...so couch hunting, HC moving to our house, and Cirque de Soleil this week are all happening, but nothing is as significant as this revelation.

Loves.