I am trying to reconcile my faith with human existence.

I am trying to understand how we all got so far away from how it was created to be.

I try to look around me and see what God intended. Look at the concrete, fences, broken glass, abuse, pain, drugs, gluttony-and see Eden. See what little pieces are left.

I am trying to plug in.

I am trying to love my husband the way that God created me to. To love him in the way that he loves me-edifying him daily and focusing on the Lord.

I am trying to love everyone, and see the balance in life, hoping that this will bring me away from my quickness to lean towards anger.

I am trying to be in the world, but not of it.

I am trying to love my non-believing friends in a way that makes them wonder.

I am trying to love God in a way that is not offensive to others, but is also obvious.

I am trying to figure out what I believe, as that is the core of achieving any of the above.

I am trying to let myself be loved.

I am trying to imagine a time in my life where I won't be so busy, so tired, so hectic, so over-scheduled and under-studied so that I can have a quiet time....but it won't happen. I have to make a time for the quiet.

So in summation: If you could just pray REAL HARD that I can have a 24.5 hour day, that would be really helpful. ;)

Also I would like to keep a record of the fact that it is March 14 (Pi day) and I have only had a drink on two days of this year(both of which really were not worth the wasted calories, and I would take back in a heart beat). I have not partaken in the Mary J at all, and I'm even giving up fast food.

I throw in the last one because it is not about being "better" than anyone, or "proving" myself. It is about not doing the things that are unhealthy for me, that are detrimental to existing in a way that is not only pleasing to God, but also being wholly present. I want to quit living in a way wherein I just don't tell people I'm a believer because it will ruin it for the rest of the people trying to witness. I want to live what I believe-I'm tired of being the American standard of Christianity. I desire to be a part of the emerging church, to shower those around me with the love of Christ and live to the standards and joy He laid out for us. I want to be healthy. I want to treat my body as a temple.

But I refuse to give up my tattoos and I am getting more ;) As if that really matters...lol.