I just haven't felt like blogging lately. I'll get really excited, like I have something to say, and then I get too "something" to finish.

I have the most ridiculous headache right now. I mean monstrous. It is taking over my brain from the front to the back and I might die. So migraine would be appropriate. I want to crawl under a rock and sleep.

This term is over in 9 days! I can't believe it! It all went by so incredibly fast, and I feel like I never did any homework...which is kind of scary but good at the same time. Next term I might commit suicide, but I'm sure that just like this one, three terms in a row of biochem and upper division chemistry will breeze on by...?....

I'm so empty right now. I don't know how else to say that. Just empty. I believe in God still, but I'm not following Him. So I feel empty. I try to hop back on the path and read my Bible everyday, but it feels so inauthentic. I need to go to church, but who has time? I'm already on the verge of being fired because I'm so unavailable at work, and then to ask to have Sundays off for church-when everyone knows I haven't been acting like someone who goes to church-doesn't seem like a good idea.

So I'm empty. Fortunately for Andrew when I feel all dark and twisty I try to solve it with everything but what I need, so he's been getting a lot of crazy loving lately.

I'm empty and I'm ANGRY. I'm so ANGRY at my mother. She can spend and ENTIRE MONTH in Florida with Kenny's family, but she can't come here for more than three days because of "work"?....I hate the holidays to begin with, but she's really just compounding it. I never thought to be offended before, because you just learn to let all of these things go, but the other day it came to me: She can't seem to visit me, but she can take a month off to spend the holiday with strangers? I mean, they're not total strangers-she spent the last two Christmases with them-but hello? I know I'm not being ridiculous here. She spent Thanksgiving on her boat eating leftovers with Kenny and his kids. What the hell?

So I'm angry and empty and a lot of other negative things, but fortunately I'm too busy to generally focus on them. But I think I am going to ask her why this is all okay. To which she'll make me feel like crap for even asking, and somehow become the victim, and then I'll want to cry...Good thing it's girl's night tonight.

Also-the headache might have something to do with quitting coffee and sugar today cold turkey....I'm crossing my fingers I can stay off sugar at least until I make Julie's delish Christmas cookies in a couple weeks...oi.