Discussed my current unease with my future and the fact that I feel I'm going against God's calling and will for my life with my mother in law last night. She told me a story about one of the pastors at her church, who also is the same pastor who did our pre-marital counseling, and how he handled finding the Lord's will in his life. He and his wife Jess did not want to have kids. They were so against having babies they had declared it would downright never happen and they were going prevent (naturally, of course. The basal temperature taking way...which totally freaks me out. I'm sure I'd screw it up.) it completely.
Then God knocked. And He knocked, and He knocked...until he blew that damn door down and Chris and Jess realized they were not listening. So they committed to prayer for one year about having children, and that they would follow God's direction whatever it may be.
A year and a half later they were pregnant.
So we've committed to praying about my/our future. The minute I let go of thinking I only wanted to go to medical school, the idea of OT (occupational therapy) came back. Over the past day it has been pushing it's way into my mind with all of the reasons why it would be a beneficial choice especially when knowing God desires me to obey and be a foster parent and mother. When we adopt internationally and domestically, both will have a high probability of having some sort of developmental delay. OT would help them. OT can be done part-time. OT would connect my interest in Autism with my work...
BUT-before making plans and creating outlines like I always do, we're going to pray. I've done this too many times thus far, had an inkling and jumped at it without enough time to carefully consider and ask for truth. So if you're the praying type, once a month is all I ask. If you could pray for me and Andrew, and our future together, solidifying a path that will benefit my family and my relationship with the Lord-I'd really appreciate it.
Letting go of planning is hard for me. But learning to trust the Lord is pivotal to the purpose of my creation. I'm thinking things will quiet down in my head, and finally-after being urged to my God for quite a while now-I'll be able to actually rest. I find relief and joy in that.
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3 comments:
honey, i'll pray every day. even if God completely alters the direction of your current path (or any path you're considering), at least you'll know it was led by him because you've trusted. i can't wait to see where your adventure leads!
p.s. you'll love to know that my word verification was the word "squall". as in a strong increase of wind speed. hmm... perhaps you're going through a life-squall???
Wow. I love how transparent and articulate you are. Heather, I don't doubt for a second that you and your wonderful husband will ultimately follow the Lord's will for your life. Your hearts are so sensitive to Him that He will make that calling clear. By simply putting this out there, asking for prayer, and listening for His voice, you will hear it. And that you two will have the grace to accept change if you have to.
I love you and your tender heart.
I'll pray, too. Children are a blessing from the Lord. They are a heritage from the Lord to you and your husband. They are a good thing even when they are teenagers. ;) ((trust me, I know))
One thing though, as you are seeking God's will, get your answers from God's Word and don't rely upon your feelings (they will mislead you).
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