Time to change blogs, my tone is shifting..

I am in this weird funk right now. The last two books I've read/am reading have been about the Holocaust. The first was and autobiography of a man who survived Aushcwitz and Buchenwald, and the one I'm reading now is about a German woman and her struggle to survive during the war. I think that has a lot to do with it. I walk around talking to and watching people take all of these liberties we have for granted, then feel entitled to more or ask for more government participation/parenting (I'm referring to socialism, but don't feel like digressing.).

In horror I see things moving in the wrong direction all over again. A restless and lazy people are beginning to oppress those who are successful(the Jews before the war), to oppress people because of their religious beliefs(if I at any point mention that I am a Christian in any of my classes at PCC or OHSU where I work-I am immediately both tossed aside as an idiot, and verbally attacked for immediate defense of my values/beliefs), people just waiting around for the government to save them(Obama followers...lol. Just for you Adam-but seriously), and a general dis rest throughout the world. I watch all of this laziness, entitlement, anger, accusation, aggression unfold and sit here wondering why I feel like I'm standing in the middle of a room screaming at the top of my lungs and nobody is hearing me. It's coming. Soon. Maybe not tomorrow, or in the next ten years, but I can feel it in my bones and I'm so afraid.

Every night I cherish my husband, even if I'm pouty because I'm tired and cannot differentiate between a real issue and my sleep-boggled mind. I cherish him because I know the time is coming when we will struggle because of our beliefs. When my husband will feel as if though he has failed because he cannot protect me and our family from what is to come. When I will be unable to comfort him because he will feel like he didn't do enough to prepare, didn't try hard enough to make people see it coming.

I am opinionated and human, but above all I am a lover. I will be the last to protest gay marriage, and the first to say standing outside of an abortion clinic with a sign or a bomb strapped to your stomach is the most absurd concoction of a psychopath's mind as a mode of reaching people. But that is irrelevant. Things have already moved past the point that it matters that I love, but more that I am labeled a Christian. I will never be silent, but I just want to spend the rest of my life with my amazing husband building fires in our wood stove every night and cuddling naked.

So I cherish him now, because I know that now will not last forever and the waiting game has begun. People say that I'm crazy to think that the Holocaust could ever happen again, but they must not be considering many things: How long it took the world to act, Rwanda, the genocides currently happening...I know I'm not crazy, I do. But I'm having a hard time finding value in anything outside my home, my family. I just want to love them and hold tight, but instead I'm in school, and working, and paying bills, and eating, and sleeping...I'm living. But that's the condition right? We all live and just sit here waiting for the big if?